Acceptance: an ever evolving state of mind

If you go through life accepting bad behavior from others and dismissing their behavior away by excusing it or ignoring it, the damage will be tremendous. Sadly, most of the time this behavior has gone on or for so many years that you’ve become immune to it. You have a slight cringe then shrug it off. You may be so numb that you no longer cringe and instead let it become part of you. Those words pile up and build up and cause destruction. They destroy self confidence, self esteem and strongly affect how we view ourselves. Whether it is a friend, a parent or a spouse, you have to get away! How ever many years they did their damage it will equally take that long to undo it. It is hard to escape. You may move out and they follow you. The ties, especially to family, are very hard to break. It has been drilled into us to honor our parents and respect them. We were told from a young age to not talk back or voice our opinion if it did not line up with their opinion. Like many who are conditioned to these comments, it is very difficult to truly see them and be aware of the damage they are doing. A little comment here and one there. They add up over 30 years. One day you wake up and see the toxicity. The narcissistic behavior and dehumanizing demeaning behavior and it is a shocking revelation. These words have crept into your very being and become who you think you are. These words that are inappropriate and inexcusable are now seen as outrageous and you decide they will happen no longer.
When you decide you will not accept toxic behavior, you WILL become the bad guy/girl. You will be deemed angry and rude. You will be made an outcast. You no longer fit in and it will be told to you that it is because you’ve become different in a way no one likes. You will be demonized, lied about, and their true colors will be more clear than they have ever been. This will be a reflection on them. Not you.
The truth is, you have evolved. You now see and do not accept these people in your life anymore. You are aware. You want unconditional love. You want to learn how to love yourself. They will try to mark you with their words as they always have. You will become the enemy. It’s OK! They have to make you the enemy. If not, then they would have to be accountable for their actions. They will NEVER be accountable for their actions. Understand that now. Pining over them and hoping they will change will only be you falling back into old practices of thinking they are ANYTHING like you. They are not like you and never will be.
It is normal and human to wish they would change and understand why you no longer will allow them to degrade you. It is normal and human to wish they would run to you and say, “ I’m so sorry I hurt you by saying and doing those things.” At some point you will have to accept that they will not do these things. There will be no awakening for them. Even the IDEA of an awakening would open the box of denial they are living in and they can’t do that. They don’t want to see that. So they will live in their denial and facade to avoid the truth of who they are forever. That is on them. They are driven in ego. You’ve moved past their ego now and onto healing.
You have chosen a different path. You have chosen good and light and love. You have chosen to no longer allow abuse. This will take some getting used to. It will take time. But for your heart and soul and body, and for those in your life that love you, you’ve made the right choice. My husband loves me unconditionally. I cannot imagine it was easy for him to watch my family treat me as they did for all of those years. That love should be rewarded by removing the false loves OUT.
Acceptance is the biggest challenge I face. I fight it. I ignore it. I walk around it. I am not quite there yet. I believe it is because I thought that accepting meant forgiving. I thought accepting meant everything was ok as it is. I am now ever evolving to understand that just because I accept it, does not mean that I am happy about it. I don’t even have to let it go.
Accepting is simply a knowing. A realization that does not have to be concrete. It can be an ever flowing movement of your mind, from one space to another. It doesn’t have to be BOOM I ACCEPT. That is how it is working for me. Acceptance is a slow progression through understanding and validating oneself and loving oneself. You cannot undo being devalued in a day or a month or a year. At first it will seem easy to just hate them and know you did the right thing in that hate. But you cannot stay in the hate forever. It is a coping skill that you needed but will eventually move through. You never have to love them or forgive them again.
Acceptance is not about them.
Acceptance is…whatever you are comfortable feeling that it is. Just know that if you are moving toward acceptance, at any stage in the process, that means you have moved away from what was toxic. You are moving in the right direction! Stay that course! Take a deep breath. You’ve taken your power back.

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