The red flag days

The red flag days are the days I wish I were dead.

Not that I plan to commit suicide, wish to commit suicide, or want to act on this thought at all.

I simply wish I were dead.

I find that very sad.

That anyone would wish they were dead.

Especially for me when I believe just a few acts of kindness would turn that around.

But I can’t count on others right? So I have to just buck up and rely on me to give myself a reason to want to go on living.

Well, some days that’s harder than others. Those are the red flag days.

Today, I see no hope, I see no purpose, and I just wish I were dead.

Today, is a red flag day.

39 thoughts on “The red flag days

  1. It is so hard to be in pain all the time
    It is so damn unfair
    “Why Me?” I think
    { and I think you do too, Bethany}
    It just sucks
    I am so angry
    I am the scrunched up face, fists, feet , bright red yelling infant
    I see and hear and feel your Red Flag.
    From Afar ….. TS

    Liked by 2 people

  2. For some reason naming the day appeals to me. Red flag day. I like it. Also, the fact that the day is named means there’s room for other named days…non red flag days…better ones. There’s different types of days. Some days I wish I was dead too. Those are hard days. I’m so sorry today was a red flag day for you. I hope tomorrow is a different and better day, ❤

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Bethany,
    A red flag day- red is a good colour, I feel. Down in the depths of the harshest of reds, there is a realization that there are other shades of red – orange, pink, magenta, maroon, wine red and so on, and as the colour shade lightens, you know the day is going to get better too. I love to think of the colours that change. Somedays I wish I wasn’t born. Some days I wonder what my purpose in this life is- what is the use ? Sometimes I feel like the writer of Ecclesiastics( did I spell that right ?)
    A big hug to you from a red colour lover.
    Susie

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’ve not had these days often but I have not suffered as you have, Bethany. I hope the day flies by quickly so you may awake to a new and glorious day. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. So sorry. I sadly can relate. There are days when life is too hard lately, and I’m all too aware that being on “the other side” can be such a relief from being here. I hope you’re able to turn your mood around.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve been writing more on my sister blog called Remembering My Divinity. It’s about healing. Healing from the pain of my past and where I post more of my darker stuff. Much of it is from a spiritual perspective because as I’ve healed things, I’ve unexpectedly become aware of myself as a spiritual being. https://mypeacenow.wordpress.com/

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  6. Sorry you are feeling this way. I missed this post when you posted it. It’s a good name…red flag day. That’s exactly what it feels like and I’m having one of those today myself.

    I think it sucks that we can’t (or aren’t able to) depend on others. We are meant to, simply as humans to depend on others. I think a lot about how humans (ancestral humans) lived in tribes and depended on each other so much for different things. And now so many of us live in seclusion or isolation. Even if it’s self induced like my isolation is. Because in some circumstances it’s just easier and more peaceful to be away from others…because out there is a rat race of those who care about nothing but themselves.

    Very sad.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think about that a lot too. If only I lived in a tribe then I would be surrounded by women who would help me through this. But I don’t. It is all very sad. Today I have redflag double I think

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m sorry I have been quiet lately and not checked in on you. The red flag days are bloody AWFUL and never get easier, but thankfully they are temporary and never forever. I love all your photos and how you milk the pleasure that you can from each day, even if it is just minutes out of a tough day ❤❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I hear you girl, and I’m so sorry 💐 I can relate; it’s been a red flag week for me. That’s probably why I’ve been so quiet lately; I don’t want to spread the darkness, because heaven knows that shizz gets contagious 💞 It’s a tough time of year for us, and it doesn’t help to be surrounded by so much confusion to boot. It’s got to get better for us girl, it really does 💗💗 Here’s hoping and praying! Sending healing to you, luv 😘😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I want it to get better. I need some things off my plate yet they just keep piling on!
      I haven’t written much either on my feelings or what I’m going through in depth. Just don’t really have the words other than I’m really struggling.
      Thank you for your comment and prayers. I’m so sorry it’s been bad for you too. That just sucks!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! It’s that overwhelmed feeling. It’s like “won’t this ever *stop*? Can’t I just get a break??” 💗. Amen about not having the words; struggling is a good word for it 👏🏼👏🏼😘. Sending you sunny thoughts! You are loved 😍💓💓

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  9. I guess even red flag days could have happy endings…
    For instance, if i wasn’t having one today I wouldn’t have opened my blog after ages…
    And had I not done that, I wouldn’t have come across your beautiful blog.
    You’re amazing! Keep writing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you very much. I’m so sorry you are having a bad day. Such a contrast between the good days and the red flag days. So glad the red flag days are not every day that is for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

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