When I told nana I was pregnant she just looked at me. It wasn’t until I left that evening that she responded. The door was almost closed behind me and she called out my name. I stuck my head back in the door and she said, “You take care of yourself and that baby. The baby comes first.” I smiled and told her I would and that I loved her and closed the door. That was the last time I ever saw nana until last night. I drifted off to sleep and all of a sudden I was in a room with Nana. Nana took me by the hand and we appeared at mom’s house. She told me to make sure mom was ok. She showed me mom and she was getting ready for work all frantic. She told me i need to look after mom because she was worried about her. Then we appeared back at Nana’s house. I sat in the little rocking chair. nana looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair was soft and cottony. It looked like a puffy cloud, and her face was radiant and glowing, her cheeks rosy and her lips pink. She sat up straight which before was impossible because of her osteoporosis and she spoke to me in a calm sweet voice that flowed easily compared to the wheezing I had remembered. I even tried to picture her breathing heavily and she said, “Don’t try and change me to what you remembered. I can breath fine now.” I stood up excited to show her my belly. She said oh my gosh time flies so fast I didn’t know you were still pregnant. I pressed my dress to to my skin so she could see the radius of my new growth. She reached over and patted my stomach as she told me she was sorry she couldn’t be there to share it with me. I knew at that moment I was having a baby girl. Then she said to go to a toy store and buy the baby something from her. Not the new hip toys but an old meaningful toy. With that she stood up and said it was time for her to go. She was wearing an old nightgown. It was her favorite. She said it was comfortable and where she was going she could wear whatever she wanted. She smiled a smile I will never forget. It was the same sweet smile that always reassured me everything would be ok. When she stood she walked like a young girl, elegantly and smooth. She walked out the laundry room door. I told Nana “That isn’t the way out” and she turned around and smiled again and said it didn’t matter what door she took and she walked off into the clouds. I woke up laying in bed and very quickly remembered here I was. I tried to go back to sleep but with you and all six months and thirteen inches of your doing nightly gymnastics in my stomach, I couldn’t. I was crying anyway, so i got up and made my way down the steps to the phone to call mom in hopes she hadn’t left for work, wondering if that was the last time I’d see Nana and hoping she would one day come again.”
I wrote this letter to my daughter when I was still 6 months pregnant with her and my Nana had just passed away. I saw the SoCS prompt was letter and I IMMEDIATELY went to search for that letter. I had not read it since I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 21 years old.
I haven’t seen Nana since.
I still hope one night in my dreams I will…
*postscript I just looked up my Nana’s birthday and had no idea that I posted this on her birthday until just now. Now THAT is more than a coincidence.