I have tried many kinds of healing modalities over my lifetime. I’ve tried therapy from cognitive behavior therapy to trauma therapy to talk therapy to hypnosis, etc. I’ve done meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, etc.
I can tell you that everyone has something different that works for them and I see that in the blogs I read and the stories others have shared. What has helped me most in this last year is taking photographs. I have tagged them #photography or #mindfulness but that’s not what it REALLY is.
Taking photographs is a different experience than I have ever had. It is feeling grounded while at the same time being lost in the moment. But not really in the self awareness moment. If I am being truly self aware I would be rolling around on the ground crying and screaming. If I am being truly present then I would feel every ounce of pain this muscle disease, trigeminal neuralgia, lyme disease, and every other thing wrong with me brings. If I stayed in the moment of PTSD then I would not even be in the moment at all, I would be caught in a moment created in a mix of the past and present.
Taking photographs takes me to another place but allows me to feel like the real me. Almost like a spiritual experience where my body isn’t important, my thoughts are not important, and the only thing that really exists is the CONNECTION I have to what is on the other side of the lens.
My blog is titled to represent my healing and whatever it takes to get there. Right now, taking photographs is my only real link to happiness. It is the only moment of the day where I feel a glimmer or a glimpse of the core of my soul being happy. Honestly, every other moment is so filled with anxiety, PTSD, triggers, pain, exhaustion, sadness, despondency, that it would be a disservice to myself to stay in THAT world. I go to bed wishing I didn’t wake up. I wake up happy to go out and find something new.
Today my husband brought home bubbles for me. I told him a few days ago that I wondered what photographing bubbles would be like. It ended up being a family affair because he and my daughter blew the bubbles while I played with the settings on my camera and tried to see what fun things I could create.
We also went on a walk and found this little worm in the air. I could not get him in focus at all. My husband finally reached his hand up in the air behind the worm so I could try to focus on it. I basically only focused on his meaty hard working hand! But I realized that in those moments I was thinking of nothing but that worm!
We later saw a woodpecker. As I was taking pictures of him I thought of nothing but that woodpecker. My head, ears, everything goes completely quiet and it is just that woodpecker and me. The same happens with flowers. The same happened with the fox.
I wanted to share my thought process because I think it is important to know why I post the photos that I do. I am no photographer and don’t claim to be. I just take photographs and I LOVE to share them because it is sharing a moment with others that is so cherished to me. It is a moment that there was only good.