I was sitting outside this morning taking photos of birds when I started to feel nausea, dizzy, and my skin was burning. I had no idea why but since I have multiple health problems I thought I must have been having some sort of reaction. My heart started pounding. I was looking through my camera and saw a man next door. I zoomed in and he had a respirator face mask on and was spraying pesticides. I was mortified. The wind was blowing it it was affecting me intensely.
I went in, showered, put my clothes in the wash and immediately called my doctor. My heart rate was 140.
When a person like me with Lyme disease and a low immune system, has multiple chemical sensitivities, even the smell of gasoline or nail polish can cause a serious reaction. My doctor got right back to me and I had to take activated charcoal to flush out anything that had made it in my body.
I felt so angry. I was planning to put the bird seed all in the front yard and watch the birds while the neighbor was poisoning everything in his yard. I watched out of my window as he sprayed all the way over to my favorite flower that had finally bloomed after 14 years. I guess I would not be taking any more pictures of that as I cannot even go near that part of my own yard.
What is this need for perfection. Perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect body, perfect green grass. At what cost? Killing all of the bees? Killing the good insects as well as the bad? Contaminating our well!!!!! Why?!! Making someone like me who is already suffering have to take charcoal which will then flush my seizure meds. Talk about anxiety provoking…for grass. Here I am trying to be in nature and the neighors are killing it AND ME. I mean a gas mask basically.
After drinking the amount of water required with the charcoal late in the afternoon I went out of the garage in my wheelchair so as to not go near that part of the yard and went around the opposite block. I did not have to go far before I saw this majestic hawk. He was on a light pole. I went right up to him. He was just…beautiful beyond words. He looked at me and cocked his head as I talked to him for about 30 minutes. After a very unpleasant morning I wanted to share with you what I’d like to end my day with. A real gift. The hawk. I took over 300 pictures of him. I had to choose a few to post. His little foot was tucked up and looks like it is sticking out of his stomach I thought was just adorable. He was quite a sight. He, like the owl, sat quietly while I talked and watched and spoke of the awe I felt in his presence. Such beauty is hard to find words for.
If I were to seek perfection it would not be in a perfect green lawn, or the perfect society standard breasts, or the latest trendy clothes. Perfection, to me, is being in the presence of this hawk and knowing what a gift that was.