Part 1

About two months ago I had 5 grand mal seizures. I went to my second follow up appointment. I forgot my “Please don’t touch me” sign, much to my dismay. It was stuck on the back of my wheelchair at home. Sure enough when I LEAST expect it, while my heart rate is being taken, a woman gives me a good wack on the back telling me how much she likes me shirt. I take a moment just now to sigh… What do I say? 

“You just caused me 3 days of pain!” Or “ I’m thrilled you like my shirt but you could have just told me instead of wacking me on the back!” Or “ For fuck’s sake why do I have to have a sign on my scooter that says DON”T TOUCH ME for me to just make it out in public for five minutes!!???” The nurse actually commented. She asked if people always hit me that hard, touch me, feel it is ok to pat me. My husband immediately chimes in that EVERYONE feels it is ok to touch me although no one in the history of his life has ever just come up and given him a nice wack on the back while complimenting his shirt. The nurse said quite empathetically that she believes if anything that looking at someone in a scooter so frail she would think they would not touch me. Nope. Not my life. So you think, well this woman was giving you a compliment though saying how much she likes your shirt. Nope. That is the victim in me that makes excuses for people that don’t deserve them. It is NOT OK to touch me! Which made me wonder… do I need to amend my sign to say, “ I have PTSD. Please do not touch me.” That would bring awareness right? Well I am not a fucking bumper sticker now am I ??!!! Then my daughter reminded me of my previous sign that said, “ I am allergic to perfume, please do not touch me, thank you.” It never stopped anyone. It gave them a reason to give snarky comments. It gave them reasons to tell me why they wore their perfume. It gave them a reason to roll their eyes. My aunt is a perfect example. My daughter drove me to a funeral and a funeral is a hugging place. I knew I needed my sign so that I was not taken off guard by a perfume fest. Aside from my PTSD and aversion/trigger of cologne I also have multiple chemical sensitivity which means I will get hives and rashes from fabric softener, perfume, etc. My daughter remembers my aunt reading the words on my sign OUTLOUD that I’d taped on my scooter, rolling her eyes, and walking away. Somehow it offended her that I was trying to make it through a funeral without having a rash or hives. My daughter is still mad about that. I had forgotten it until now, but now I am mad about it too!!! 

I’m trying to protect myself and create a safe place for myself, put up some written boundaries to cover all bases while I am out in my scooter. As if being in a scooter is not hard enough. 

So I get a good back wacking before my assessment even begins. 

I had all of my updates, questions, improvements, and continuing challenges written on paper for the doctor. 

Now my back hurts though. I am also reviewing how upsetting it is to be constantly violated by unwanted touches. I am upset at the fact that her hand on me knocked me out of my body and I know I will not remember any of the appointment. So my husband goes in with me…

23 thoughts on “Part 1

  1. It is just so sad people would get mad at the sign you had about perfume.
    I don’t know why people would assume to touch you except they maybe feel sorry for you and think a pat will make you feel better. My aunt also sneered at me when I said I couldn’t work because of my mental problems. People just do and say the wrong things a lot, I guess.

    I remember the one time, the only time I can think of, that I touched a stranger. I was in a line-up at a store. I kept getting my pin number wrong on my debit card and was flustered and embarrassed. The woman behind me and I started talking. I said I hadn’t used my debit card for months and when she asked why I said, “I’ve been ill.” She said something nice and I put my arm around her waist and said, “Oh, I’m fine now, thanks.” It kind of shocked me when I left that I had done that, but her kindness moved me to want to touch her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is very touching. I cannot say I would be upset if someone lovingly touched me or gently put their hand on me. Thank you for sharing a kind story you experienced

      Liked by 1 person

    1. So easy to be kind. Yet people choose not to be. Fortunately, I have many in my life who love and respect me. Funny how some days there is a pile up of unkindness though!!!
      Thanks for being mad. Oh that’s how you spell whacker. My ipad kept saying I spelled it wrong and I kept saying to my ipad yeah I don’t know how to spell back whacker!!!!! LOL so you gave me a smile thanks for that

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ” hold on let me hold my phone up for one sec…..ok FUCK OFF YOU STUPID INSENSITIVE IDIOT….ok thanks, your face was priceless….” one day maybe. I seem to be paralyzed anytime anyone does it. Working on it. I need to channel you

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha … Oh i have my moments with plenty of other things … you gotta do what you gotta do though. Someone told Me once to refer to our ‘first thought’, or our instinct, it’s usually right. That helped Me get out of the ‘freeze’ mode. Otherwise get someone else to do it for you. Just like We do with children – we speak for them until they can speak for themselves.
        i’m looking forward to the day you can twack them and snap them though 🙂 ❤


      3. I can still and have always been able to speak for my daughter. Loudly. We have always marveled at my ability to rage mother bear protecting her STILL at 21 years old I DARE someone to cross her. No problem standing up for her right in the moment. But as for me. I become small and fragile. Old habits are so hard to break. I think once I finally break it then it will be overcome. I just have to break it!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes thats it – the mama bear syndrome 😉 Thats how I started speaking up for myself (still learning though). I put my kids or my grand babies in that position (that I’m in) and do a quick assessment as to what or if I’d say anything if that was being done to them. And before I knew it I was blurting out stuff left right and centre lol. ❤


  2. Oh no, this is terrible! Why do people insist on doing this? And to get mad at you about a sign? Probably the same people who slather the perfume on. It makes me sneeze, which when it gets going, lasts throughout the day, and then I have to take an antihistamine, which makes me fuzzy and drowsy, so then I can’t concentrate at work and I have to cut my workday short. We’ve put up a sign about perfume in our office! Perfume is typically made of toxic chemicals anyway. The people who douse themselves in it, their brains are going away. A diminished sense of smell is often the first sign of dementia, years before it’s diagnosed. Good on you for taking what control you can over your surroundings, both your air and being touched! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕💕


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