2am thoughts

I think some people are put in your life for a reason. Some people just feel like a gift. Some people come along at just the right time and then just move on with their lives. Some you look back and don’t feel sad over the loss but blessed at the short time you had them. Some you look back at their time with you and feel it was purely divine and their loss left a hole.And some people come into your life and are just assholes. They come in. They bring along some drama. Some havoc. And then they leave. Some catch you off guard because you thought they were there for some blessed reason. And some you knew were assholes all along but tolerated them just to not be lonely. 

The blessing ones leave a bit of a hole when they are gone. You know even when you are with them that when they go you will have a void. Then when they are gone you know that void won’t be filled. They were rare. You knew it then and you still know it now. 

The assholes you look back on and think why was I so lonely that I settled for an asshole who only fit me in their schedule when it was convenient for them but never made me feel like I truly mattered. But then you realize, oh yeah, I was just lonely as hell and I didn’t care. 

The ones you think aren’t assholes but you later find out are leave a hole too. But not one that you wish would be filled. Because this hole is a stabbed one. It just leaves a space that you wish would heal but you aren’t sure how long that will take. 

I like the blessings. I like those people that you meet on a bench, in a grocery store, at a park, on a walk. Those people who you may only spend five minutes with but you feel like you’ve been blessed in some way when they walk away. You find yourself smiling at the moment that you chose to take with this stranger. 

I like the blessings that last a year. Where each moment and each day count and matter and you feel loved and understood and it is such a reciprocal relationship. 

The longer the blessings the bigger the void and the harder it is to fill. The bigger he heart the bigger the hole and yet it is worth it just to love and be loved. 

Truth be told there are a whole lot of assholes willing to try and bandaid that hole left by the blessings for their own selfish purposes which makes the wound even bigger. 

I notice the blessings. 

I notice the assholes. 

I feel the wounds. 

I wish they would heal. 

30 thoughts on “2am thoughts

    1. Oh hello! I hope the translation back home was an easy one and that you are doing ok there!
      I just could sleep. I have a very bad infection and was in pain. Still getting used to seizure medication also which I am tolerating but still have some memory loss from the seizures and as the memories come back from who I have lost, good or bad, it is sad.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good times are always happy to remember.. I will pray that u forget all the bad that happened in your life and remember only the good..

        Relocating was hectic. Within these 20 days since I came had lots to do.. now finally relaxed.. now will start with routine work and school of kids..


    1. 🙂 I can let someone go but I don’t forget them either and at 2 am if I can’t sleep sometimes they pop into my head and make sleep possibilities even worse!
      It’s those darn A-holes!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This is my prayer: “Truth be told there are a whole lot of assholes willing to try and bandaid that hole left by the blessings for their own selfish purposes which makes the wound even bigger. 
    I notice the blessings. 
    I notice the assholes. 
    I feel the wounds. 
    I wish they would heal.” My devotion this morning is world peace, same concept. I wish they would all heal. I wish it would all heal. But most of all I want to be left undisturbed to focus on doing what’s good without having to expend energy slapping away (redirecting, teaching, being patient with, having compassionate understanding for etc…)scab pickers and human gnats. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If the “human gnats” would heal and stop disrupting those of us who want to go out and smell the flowers and listen to the birds it would be extremely helpful!!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally agree with you. There are people who are meant to come into your life for a reason. We may never know the reason, but some people are good ones and some are bad ones. They can all teach us something and we can become better people because of it. I love it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was thinking in particular of two women who I had in my life for one year. Each had cancer. Each came into my life for exactly a year. Each, so remarkable, so connected to God, so selfless, so unconditionally loving, that each gives me strength to this day even though they have long since passed away. But on those hard nights and difficult days, i miss them a lot.


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