Our Sunday

Today I realized that this week I have had less anxiety than I have in years. Because I can’t remember. I feel like I am still living at home with my mom in denial world and in that world their was no anxiety. What bitch right??!!!!

Today was clean up from hurricane Irma day. Since the bundles of limbs on the side of the road will not be picked up for who knows how long we decided to burn all of ours. I was the quiet observer. I watched the fire all day. I wondered many things. When I looked at the fire I just became dazed. How does one tell the difference in dazed and dissociated? They feel very much the same to me. But this was a nice feeling so maybe that is the difference. I watched how the fire changed directions and how the smoke changed. It was mesmerizing. It brought a calm. (We know how to take precautions with fires fyi). The pile was so big I was concerned that little animals and birds would set up their homes there so I wanted to get rid of it before that happened. 

Right before I came in my husband pointed out a dragonfly. I thought that by the time I came in and got my ipad he would surely be gone. He wasn’t! He sat for a long time looking at me and turning his head. I talked to him about life and how it felt to be a dragonfly. I’m pretty sure he understood me. He was the friendliest dragonfly I have ever encountered. He would flit up and around my head and then right back to the same spot on the stick. Then he’d look at me as I talked to him and he would fly around my arms and ipad and go right back to the same stick. He was the highlight of my day.

One of his eyes was not the same as the other. I don’t know why. He was different. I love different. 

Before bed I heard my daughter shriek and I, as fast as my legs would carry me, went into the bathroom to see that a gecko had jumped on her while in the shower. I have caught and released many things in this house and he was my most unfavorite. Ofcourse I took time to take some photographs of him. He was very interesting and it is not everyday you get a gecko in your house. Had he jumped on me I cannot say all that would have happened was a shriek. 

It is rare I don’t “like” something a little creature but I did not like carrying him outside in my hands. Give me a little frog next time please!

21 thoughts on “Our Sunday

  1. Ew yeah, I would not have liked to carry a gecko either. I’m not a big fan of lizards. I’m all “live and let live” but they can stay in their corner and I’ll stay in mine. lol.

    I still have to ask though, Why didn’t you like it? What did he feel like?
    I agree, he is interesting.

    The dragonfly is beautiful. The body looks blue in the picture.
    That blue reminds me of that glittery amusement park blue, like on those little cars that go round in circles.

    And that fire. I love when people around here have bon-fires in their backyards. I can’t see them, but I can smell them. It always reminds me of camping. I used to love to camp with friends.

    Friday night when I went to visit the dog, the people next door were out back and had a fire going. I think they were roasting marshmallows.

    When I’m around a fire, I tend to gaze into it too and just get into that day-dream state. It’s a good way to meditate.


    1. Something about him scared me. I have no idea why. Like a roach or something. It woudlnt have minded if he were a lizard. But grasshoppers and roaches i hate and for some reason he made me feel the same way. Carrying him i thought i was gonna have a panic and it made no sense at all but he just creeped me out. He was a gentle little fella and slowly got out of my hand and onto the house. Yep. Can’t explain that weirdness on my part.
      He was a very blue dragonfly. Beautiful.
      I would have loved to have roasted marshmallows. It was too far away to walk to it and we had none anyway but that would have been nice. I found it calming to watch. Which is odd too bc i hate strong smells and i came in smelling like a cooked hot dog but it just didnt bother me.
      I was in a full out gaze for a long time over that fire.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aren’t geckos lizards? I always thought they were. I’ll admit, I’m glad we don’t have them here. Not lizards anyway. We have frogs, turtles and dragon flies though.

        I picked up a turtle years ago crossing a street that was nowhere near water that I was aware of. I had it in my bathtub while I researched a little bit about it.

        Then I let it go in a creek near our house. He was in the water before I had a chance to get the box all the way to the ground.


    1. The birds make nests almost immediately. It has been on my mind all week as I look at the piles of wood on the side of the road. The gecko jumped on my daughter! Thank heavens not on me. But i did carry him outside

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh what a beautiful day you had. This sounds like a great way to spend your day. I’m so glad you had this. I’m also glad to hear that you are improving. I’m so proud of you!! I love you and may you continue to improve. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As wrong as it sounds, I’m down with dissociation. I don’t care what the shrink says … sometimes it is a ‘by any means necessary’ response that we Need! It helped Me survive my entire life, and anxiety only became a partner in crime when some twat decided I needed to ‘feel more’ lol.

    I’m pleased you had a pleasant day though! And i’m liking that dragon fly πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This year fucked up my life with this somatic therapy and trying to feel where it all was in my body. It almost sent me to my death I swear to you it did. It was the wrong therapy for me. Absolutely wrong. Made everything way way worse. I’d like to have a tiny bit of denial back thank you. I mean we come up with these coping mechanisms in our brain, our brain does it for a reason. Lets leave some of that intact. For fucks sake!
      I love the dragon fly. I took some awesome pics today of some absolutely beautiful flowers.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had to google somatic therapy.
        It sounds like a westernised version of what We practice – Romiromi. The difference it would seem though, is We have an already holistic approach to well-being. To drop the entire approach on a person / body, to my mind, is dangerous, to say the least!
        The first time a had bodywork done was about 6 or 7 years ago, and that was painful – mind, body and spirit. And I didn’t have any again for another 2 years at least! Because you’re right, we have put in defences for a purpose; to take them all away abruptly is harsh!!! I’m glad you’re still with us though πŸ˜‰

        Look forward to viewing the pics too πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Every tuesday we tackled a memory and i felt where it hurt in my body and tried to give what my body needed in that memory to feel safe and calm and protected. In theory it sounds good. But my brain could not handle it. It made things much worse for me in all regards.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh wow … no no no nooo lol.
        Our version of this doesn’t come with talking. Our ‘practitioners’ (and theres not a lot of them anymore actually), can ‘see’ where you hurt in your body. As they ‘work’ on that, all we have to do is breath … and thats hard!
        I’m not surprised that made things worse … I feel for you!! xo Tell yah what though, I won’t be trying it now if its ever recommended to Me, thats for sure!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought about you actually and thought you would have just flipped out and how riley did pretty well considering!!!! I did NOT like that gecko. He really freaked me out and nothing freaks me out!

      Liked by 1 person

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