“Was I supposed to be looking for a pedophile around ever tree?” 

Yes mother, you were. 

“Should I have not shaken his hand?”

No father, you shouldn’t have. He is a pedophile.

“What could we have done? You didn’t tell us enough.”

I told you both enough.


I lay here.

The sticks thrown,

Laying at my feet.

Lashes felt through out me.

I lay here,

As the green algae envelops me.

They won’t notice.

They scoff at my defeat.

“She’s just mentally ill.”

They say to disregard me.

To deflect my persistent screams. 

They mock and minimize the anxiety.

My spine is crooked from their feet. 

I said enough.

I shouted to the world. 

But enough is not what they ever need.

“Silence!” The continue to plead.

I will never concede. 

They want me down with the sticks

And the stones.

They want me covered in the mold.

I’ve had enough of that life.

Look at me



Look in my eyes. 


I say.

I claim this life

Without you

As finally


*photographs by Riley Kays

31 thoughts on “Poetry

    1. Thank you for reading! I love that you love my rawness. I was recently criticized by a family member for it and I was just about to write about that. Your comment is refreshing to my soul

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You’re so welcome. I always read your pieces. You always encourage me and I want to do the same for you. I’m sorry to hear that. They have no right to do that. The only right they have is to go and fuck themselves. I find writing helps me when I am struggling and going through a hard time. I’m glad it’s refreshing to your soul. 🙂 Smiling right now.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I wanted my daughter to take that for me to go with the poem that I had written. I knew my husband planned to pressure was it this week (in Florida it has to be pressure washed a lot due to all of the rain and trees) and the green and sticks on it represented just what I wanted them too.


    1. Thank you SOOOO much for your comment. For really GETTING what I was trying to convey. I never know if my words will be understood based on what I have in my heart and try to put out in words or not. You really did understand the depth of it all and I so appreciate that. That sentences you have written give me more validation than I think I’ve ever had. Thank you for that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What you said, Bethany, about feeling so validated by my words, really, REALLY blesses me. Your words have given me the encouragement I need right now to finish my memoir, so that others can receive the validation that we trauma survivors need so much.

        On second thought, though, I wish I had said it like this: “They break you, then they despise, mock, and shun you for being broken.” Because despise and hate basically mean the same thing. And it’s the shunning — being ignored, treated like you don’t exist, treated like you don’t count and your feelings don’t matter, because, after all, you are “crazy” — in my experience, being treated this way by your own family, is what hurts the most. Maybe even worse than the pain of the original traumas that caused my psychological/ptsd problems in the first place.

        Because, God forbid that these delightfully wonderful families of ours should ever be embarrassed by the fact that they have a daughter/sister/niece/cousin or granddaughter who is less than perfect, due to having been psychologically wounded by overwhelming trauma!


      2. I cannot wait to read your memoir. Your words are so moving and profound and you just have a way with your words. It is true!
        What they do to us is just this ongoing abuse in and of itself that perpetuates the original abuse so that we never can heal. We have to get away from it and them and that is just so sad. It shoudnt be this way. We should not have loss after loss and pain on top of pain. So much to overcome!
        You are very validating. Something that I have not had much of in my life. Writing your memoirs is almost critical for the healing of others as it will finally give them acceptance they may have never received. You are saving one person at a time that will read your words. Someone who may have never heard what you have written to me in these comments. Something I have waited 45 years to hear.
        It’s so ironic, I pay all of this money for therapy once a week. Half the time I am discussing how to get over my family and NOT the man who actually abused me!!! How CRAZY is THAT!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Anything to shift the blame and minimize your experience, as long as they don’t have to feel the guilt and shame of it. For whatever reason they prefer to live a lie. What others think is more important than their own precious daughter! It’s fucking sick. And they know they’re wrong. They know, somewhere within themselves that what you speak is the truth. Whether they admit it or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My husband and I were just talking about this. What you just said basically and I came on here and read it and was like wow we were just talking about this. You NAILED the truth right here.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry you know how it feels to have experienced it but glad to hear it resonated with you. Thank you for your kind message


  2. I can relate very strongly to feelings being dismissed due to the fact that I have mental illness. It’s one of the most frustrating things to deal with when people won’t even listen to you when you’re angry about something because they assume you’re just clouded or overreacting. Great depiction of the struggle.


    1. Being dismissed is one of the worst feelings. Not feeling heard can make a person feel worthless. I am working hard on not letting those people affect my well being. It is hard!!!thank you for your understanding words

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.